MEMO BIRU, 31 OKTOBER

Tuhan...untuk tahun ini, aku minta teman untuk melewati hari itu. I don’t have any power.

Aku hanya bisa mengingat selarik doa yang aku panjatkan entah kapan, setelah menyadari dia di hadapanku saat ini. Tuhan, mukjizat atau apa ini namanya? Aku hanya merasa Tuhan tersenyum. Tidak menjawab. Keegoisanku muncul untuk menahan waktu dan antek – anteknya.

Jangan bergerak. Beri aku waktu untuk menjadi manusia.

Dia hanya terdiam. Lantas, apa yang menariknya datang hari ini jika bukan telepati? Ah, aku lupa, telepati kita seharusnya sudah kadaluwarsa dimakan kepenatan. Lalu apa???

Aku menggenggam tangannya seolah – olah itu benar – benar nyata. Membawanya masuk ke alam bawah sadar. Biar...biar saja jika ini nyata. Biar kita mengkristal di sana. Jika ini mimpi, biar saja masuk ke mimpi lebih dalam lagi. Terkadang kita tidak perlu merasa nyata untuk menjadi ada.

Aku menelusuri setiap lekuk tangannya. Ada yang berbeda. Ini bukan tangan yang aku cari. Aku tidak mengenalinya.

Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?

Aku meraung – raung meneriakkan pertanyaan. Hanya gaung yang menjawab, menimbulkan kepenatan. Jika kamu bukan kamu. Lantas, dimana kamu?

Aku meremas tangannya. Tangan asing yang tetap diam di dalam genggaman tanganku.

Dimana kamu culik ilusi
Inspirasi yang menyita habis konsentrasi?
Dimana kamu telan khayalan
Bayangan yang pernah menjadi masa depan?

Aku melunak. Mungkin aku yang lupa bagaimana cara untuk merasa. Mungkin aku terlalu lama untuk tidak mengeja. Mungkin aku lupa mengingat.

Dear 31 Oktober,
Aku masih bisa bertahan tanpa perlu kamu munculkan yang telah tiada.
Orang asing ini pun sudah cukup memberi kekuatan, walaupun tidak bisa menggantikan.

~`aR~

31 OCTOBER

Dear 31 October,

After many years you have to be scary thing for me, in this year, we could be friend. Right? So, next year, if we could meet again, please don’t bring the sadness, sense of loss, the rain or drizzle, moreover thunder. Peace !!!

Please be my friend.

Aha, you just arrived. Wellcomeeeee...Yee..Yeee...Ye...:)

I have a gift for you.

Taraaaaaa......GREAT PLAN.

You will be date of birth of the community. Congrattt...!!!!

So touched, speachless, ah...I don’t know what I feel now. 

Dear 31 October,

Nice to meet you.

Xo Xo

~`aR~

CHAPTER 31

That’s right.

31 October you come again. And why I must face it alone (again)? Last night, I think I’ll keep fight to say hay with today. I believe that It just a day, like before. Yesterday, I hope this day no more tears, but how about the fact? I think I can’t.

14 years like 14 hours

It’s not about how long

It’s not about number

It’s about how feel

And it’s for me, like a disaster, destroy all future plans, destroy hope, character assassination, impoverish them selves.

Lost dream,

Lost hope,

Lost self-confidence,

Erode the faith.

Aku perkenalkan hari ini; 31 Oktober.

Tanggal yang akan selalu ada di setiap tahun. Sudah 14 tahun aku mengenal tanggal ini dengan baik. Sebelumnya, selama 9 tahun, aku hanya tahu tanggal ini, sama seperti aku tahu tanggal-tanggal yang lain. Tidak ada kaitan mistis di sini. Ini hanya takdir.

Dan hari ini orang – orang mulai ramai memperbincangkan tgl 26 yang berkaitan dengan bencana-bencana yang terjadi di dunia. Mereka mulai mengkait-kaitkan dengan Kitab Suci, seperti di Injil (Haga 2 ayat 6) atau di Al-Quran (Yunus ayat 26). It’s not about number. Menurutku, ini adalah salah satu bentuk si predestination. Dia sudah ditulis, tidak dapat dihapus, percuma juga menentang.

26 ataupun 31, adalah angka - angka yang mungkin sudah ditulis di kitab kehidupan. 26 bagi kita semua, dan 31 bagiku dan bagi ‘beliau’.

I called this date as chapter 31 of my life, a controversial day, rumbling (like Mount Merapi before spewing heat clouds), loneliness, and eventually try to bring peace to this date.

I let the tears fall on this day, the sadness comes, loneliness is felt, but at that moment I believed that God would fulfill HIS promise to wipe every tear.

~`aR

ALTER BRIDGE - IN LOVING MEMORY

Alter Bridge - In Loving Memory

Thanks foR all you've done
I've missed you foR so long
I can't believe you'Re gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly

I neveR knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you weRe always theRe foR me
You weRe always theRe waiting
And now I come home and I miss youR face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see

And I know, you'Re a paRt of me
And it's youR song that sets me fRee
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comfoRts me

I caRRy the things that Remind me of you
In loving memoRy of
The one that was so tRue
You weRe as kind as you could be
And even though you'Re gone
You still mean the woRLd to me

I neveR knew what it was to be alone, no
Cause you weRe always theRe foR me
You weRe always theRe waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
It feels empty and alone
I can't believe you'Re gone

And I know, you'Re a paRt of me
And it's youR song that sets me fRee
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comfoRts me

I'm glad he set you fRee fRom soRRow
I'll still love you moRe tomoRRow
And you'll be heRe with me still

And what you did, you did with feeling
And You always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will

Ooo's

And I know, you'Re a paRt of me
And it's youR song that sets me fRee
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comfoRts me

Thx Dad...

~`aR~

ONE DAY BEFORE 31 OCTOBER

1 houR 30 minutes before 31^st OctobeR 2009.

Flashback to 13^rd years a go.

On Wednesday, I still could see his laugh. I still could heaR his voice befoRe I slept. I still felt his aRm, his thRob of the heaRt, his hand hold on my hand and the otheR caress my haiR.

Itu adalah bebeRapa hal yang masih teRingat sampai saat ini. Begitu sempuRnanya dia memeRankan peRan sebagai seoRang ayah. He is my fighting spiRit. Ketulusan dan kesabaRannya dalam meRangkai pRogRam di otakku. Kegigihannya dalam membukakan jalan untukku. Kebijaksanaannya ketika haRus beRkata :"It;s not tRue, my deaR....You can take this way. It's betteR foR you. TRust me, you can do it." Keteguhan imannya teRasa ketika membisikkan doa - doa saat aq sakit. Entah sudah beRapa panjang doa yang teRlantun. Kepiawaiannya dalam mendongeng dan semua itu masih teRekam dalam memoRy otak sampai saat ini.

1 houR befoRe 31^st OctobeR 2009.

I'm veRy sleepY, so tiRed but I don't want to sleep Right now.

Aku tidak ingin 30 OctobeR beRganti menjadi 31^st OctobeR.

10 minutes befoRe 31^st OctobeR 2009.

My pillow put me to sleep. I don't want it. Dad.....!!!!

~`aR~

REMEMBER

AnotheR 31^th OctobeR

Has come and gone away

In my life and youRs

And I've been keeping all the faiRytale

That you told me

I RemembeR when you used to tuck me

at night

with youR aRm that I held so tight

I RemembeR when the Rained dRop

I felt so feaR

You hug me and made me calm

I still RemembeR it

And the time

I stayed to watch you fade away

I've been losing you

It's so haRd to accept the fact

You'Re gone foReveR

Nothing's Real until you let go compeletely

I shan't have lied

When eveRything was going Right

And I know just why you couldn't come

along with me

And this way not ouR dReams

I still RemembeR it

On 31^th OctobeR

When you passed away

*foR my beloved Dad

~`aR~